


A Faltered Smile and a Chance

by UndeservingHero



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:37:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndeservingHero/pseuds/UndeservingHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurogane looks back on life, love and the pursuit of happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Faltered Smile and a Chance

**Author's Note:**

> Hero: This was one of those little one-shots I did a hundred years ago. Enjoy.  
> Disclaimer: CLAMP owns Tsubasa.

I flashed my smile and called him another stupid nickname, just to see him blush, maybe even yell at me.

He didn’t do either. 

He just looked up at me, his crimson eyes searching. My smile faltered. “What’s wrong?” I sat on the mat beside him. He looked back down.

He heaved a sigh. “Nothing. Just thinking.” His deep voice held a bit of uncertainty. I’d never heard that before. Not from him. Anger, sarcasm, pride and annoyance and maybe even occasional happiness, yes, but never uncertainty. He was always so confident. 

“Kurogane, tell me.” I used his real name to let him know that I was serious, if only for the moment.

He looked up at me, eyes wide in surprise. “Why did you call me that?” 

I’d wanted him to know that I was serious, but, also, that I wouldn’t get too close to the situation, that I was fully intent on keeping out of his business. “That’s your name,” I said coolly avoiding the actuality of the question. 

He stared hard at me, seemingly trying to let what I’d said sink in. He finally conceded. “I’ve been thinking about home, actually.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s normal. What’s changed?” I was curious now. What could have given him that haunted look?

He didn’t speak for a long time. I waited. “I have.” He looked over at me. His eyes were shadowed. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I find myself thinking about it less and less as the days pass. I don’t want to return as much as I did before,” he said slowly.

I was shocked by his quiet admittance. That’s all he’d wanted since the mission had started. Though, he hadn’t spoken of Nihon in a long while. “Why?” It was the only question that came to mind. 

He sighed, sounding tired. He looked at me. “Because of you.” 

I was stunned into silence. Me? Why would he give up his dream, his home because of… me? Oh.. no… No, he couldn’t have… But he had. I saw the helplessness in his eyes. “You- You-“ I couldn’t form a coherent sentence. 

He nodded. “Yes.” He blushed deeply but didn’t look away. He looked angered as he admitted it, defeated. “Yes, I’ve… I’ve fallen in love with you somewhere between all of these worlds.” Some of his usual tone had returned but it still hadn’t returned to its normal abrasiveness.

His words finally sank in. “Y-you l-love me? B-but why?” No one had really loved me ever really, except my twin. I pushed the thoughts of my brother away.

“Damned if I know.” He was just sitting there, looking defeated.

Love. The word finally, really sank in. I’d been shut off from my emotions for so long, at least, the happier ones, that I didn’t really remember what it felt like. He leaned against the wall behind him and waited. He’d managed to look moderately impassive. Somehow. I imagined that I still looked shocked. I considered it. Love. It was something that I saw every day but managed to stay cut off from. I didn’t want anyone to hurt when I was killed, which would happen sooner or later. 

“No, it won’t.” I hadn’t realized that I’d spoke aloud until his gruff voice broke through. “You’re going to stick around whether you like it or not.” His voice was filled with a new kid of passionate determination. He leaned forward and took my face between warm, rough palms. He made me look him in the eyes. “Magician, you’re a pain in my ass, you’re a liar, and I don’t know even a fraction of your past. Somehow, I’ve gotten past all that and have accepted it. I don’t have to like it though, so I’m going to keep trying until you tell me everything. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. I want the full story. I want the real you. I want a real smile and laugh. I want everything. I’m not ever going to let someone hurt you.” He sighed as if both relieved and as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Just… give me a chance.”

I looked at the crimson eyes I’d grown used to seeing fiery in anger. Now, they burned for a different reason. “Alright.” I held onto his wrists. “I can’t promise anything else. I don’t even know if I can love anymore.” 

He glared at me and shook me a little. “Don’t say that. I know it’s not true.” 

“But I don’t.” I shook my head between his palms, feeling the callouses rub on my cheeks. “I want to… but… I’m afraid.” 

When I looked into his eyes, the very same eyes that I had grown so accustomed to, I felt a weird rolling motion in my stomach. I thought I might be sick. My heart thudded almost painfully in my chest. I felt horrible. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My stomach settled. I looked back at him when he spoke again.

“Don’t be. Fear gets us nowhere,” he growled.

I wanted it. I really did. I was afraid, but I wanted it. To be loved. Truly loved. I was terrified of hurting him though. 

To hell with it. If he wanted to get hurt later on, that was his business, but I was going to try to keep him from getting hurt because of me, but not by pushing him away anymore. I was going to try to see this journey through to its end and stop running away from everything that scared me. I was going to try running to something instead. Maybe he’d run with me. 

Or maybe he was what I’d been running to all along.

I took a breath.

“We can try,” I heard myself murmur.

“That’s all I want.” He let my face go and looked out the window as he settled back against the wall.

I missed the warmth against my face. “Is it really?” I asked without thinking. Dammit. Opening your big dumb mouth…

“What?” He looked back over at me. The haunted look was back. 

“Is it really all you want?” I asked. I needed to know. 

He looked away. “No, but it’s enough for now.”


End file.
